what to do when....

Last night was a horrific night for me.
I was full of excitement as I prepared to pay for an instructor training. I started to share with someone my grand plan of how I wanted to start teaching Turbo Kick (the group fitness version of Turbo Fire) and then I stopped. Just that quick, like a band-aid being ripped off your knee, I stopped talking just that fast.
Someone who I love and value very dearly who I thought had always supported me in the journey squashed my spirit for about 12 hours. I won't tell you who it is, like Beth Moore says, it wouldn't bless you to know that information. I was told by my loved one that I shouldn't and couldn't do it. I was given a whole list of reasons -
-Not physically ready
-Have you put in the work
-You don't like to stick things out
-My kids take up so much time
-You have a hard time finding ways to get stuff done around your house (s/n *truly I tell you, my house is not a disaster, but I also choose to "pick my crazy" so I don't have an immaculate house - it is what it is, some day I will but not with 4 kids under 8 - its just not going to happen and I have come to be okay with that)
-How will you manage your kids' activities if you are doing your own?
And the list when on and on a little longer but the conversation only went on for about 10 minutes before my will to keep trying would have just ran out. I was angry and I went to bed with my plan right out the window. I cried a little and then fell asleep.
Last night's conversation really challenged me. I felt like yeah, I know I still hover around 200 lbs but I also know I have kept off 60 lbs for two years and during a pregnancy. For the sake of all my hard work and determination, I had to list all of my accomplishments.
I'm not writing this to vent, although it is a little therapeutic to verify again that I am strong and I have come a long way. I am writing this because you need to know that when someone cuts you down, makes you feel little in confidence (and in my case large in body) - you need to have an attitude that will learn from it.
I have decided to restructure my plan to make it indestructible. I am delaying when I wanted to take my training class but I will be better for it and I am jam packing my schedule with me time for workouts and me time for self development so when you take my Turbo class, I will be the most bad-ass teacher you have had (aside from Julie D and Chalene herself!)
Today I joined a kickboxing gym - a extreme fitness gym and vamped up my home workouts! I wrote out an eating plan for three months and designed one for my kids too. I wrote out calendars for my kids, for child care and my own schedule and I will not fail. I will prove everyone wrong, especially said person who gave me the ammunition to design a way better plan than before that is foolproof and they can eat their words later.
Its all about your attitude. You can get sad or you can get strong.
-Kayla-

fat shaming... ew and UGH!

So in the last year I was pregnant, delivering my 4th beautiful and healthy baby. And unlike the last three - this time taking off the weight has been much harder and the kicker is I gained the LEAST amount of weight with my little guy. Im not sure if its been that he is number four- the tubal that I had after or just not putting myself first... But I do know I am still trying, still lifting and still working out -- which is whats leading me to this blog. 

I HATE people who fat shame. Fit or Fat - thick or thin, I cannot stand that anyone thinks they have a privilege or right or even carries the audacity to tell say negative things about people.

Last night at my church's VBS, while playing dodge-ball tag, a fellow volunteer tagged me with the ball. Now, I have had a target on my head with the kids, and of course the adults all play - but the words that came out of her mouth cut me and hurt bad - Im still struggling to shake it. She followed up with "I wanted to pick a slow person."

I don't know this woman very well, and Im not even 100% sure she meant it malicious or not, but what I do know is I wanted to yell at her all of my stats

- I have done more 5k runs than I can count on my hand.

- I ran a mud run with my fitness coach at SIX MONTHS PREGNANT

- I have increased my weights by 15 lbs since my baby's birth

- I can run faster, longer than pre baby

and so on and so on

I wanted to say why do you think I am slow, because I am bigger? My heart felt like the fat girl I was in elementary who never got asked to play sports first and who the kids taunted on the playground in a game of chase. My heart relived the countless moments when my mom would tell me how I was just like her now (fat) and how my older sister is just like her when she was younger (very thin) and then would follow up with how much she hated herself. Which I thought meant I should hate myself. It brought me to the 8th grade girl who started throwing up so I could fit into my sisters size 2 (and i did it) and struggled all of high school to maintain a size 7. 

So to the person who snickers in the gym at the "fat" kid, to the person who doubts your ability to run, and to the person who thinks they are better. Shame on you for not giving credit to the person who is just playing with the kids (who dont notice fat... we teach them that... keep that in mind) or who is trying to get fit and who may just be running a little slower than you. 

Bottom line. If you are not encouraging, laughing with, and being positive with other people, your negativity is not wanted, warranted or desired. If you have nothing nice to say - SHUT. UP.

-Kayla-

If it doesn't challenge you....

So, this has become my mantra. I have been yo-yo dieting forever. Have you been there with me? You know, where you THINK you are fat, but you're not and then you really do get fat and wish you could get back down to where the prefat, but not really fat, girl is? And then all of a sudden - LIFE hits you in the face with a freezing cold snow ball so you don't forget that as we have gotten older, we have taken on more responsibilities. I dont care if they are kids, a job, a spouse, new bills - we have other things than ourselves to take care of and all the while fat girl is just longing to be prefat not really fat girl! This is me. However, I have found the trick to get back to the me both I want to be both physically and mentally.

I have my fair share of nay sayers - including my family who I don't think they even really know they are being nay sayers. You know the ones who say, "I dont know how you have time for that?!" or the ones who comment on your success of completing a 5k run, or a mud run race and their complement sounds a little like this, "I didn't think you could do it, but I am so proud of you for finishing!" I have had my kids, husband and friends all throw a wrench in a workout plan and I have definitely tried things that didn't work to make me happy.  BUT - I have found Beachbody. Please don't stop reading - this isnt about sales or really the company itself, but about the people who I have met and work with now. They are my green lights, my fit friends, encouragement and accountability!

18 months ago I weight almost 240 lbs. 18 months ago I had a baby, a toddler, a kindergartner and a husband who worked swing shift. I had family drama and I had friends who were not really friends. But I found Beachbody. Since then I have lost about 40 lbs and really discovered who I wanted to be and how I needed to get there - then I got pregnant. I had someone encourage me to make this my most fit pregnancy EVER - so I did. I worked out hard, I ran races and even completed the Dirty Girl Mud Run at 5.5 months pregnant.

Today I went to the gym for the first time post pregnancy and I saw a lot of familiar faces... and a lot of familiar bodies. All I kept thinking was what are you doing, or NOT doing that nothing has changed. Then I thought about this...

and this....

 

but mostly this!

Maintaining a good weight was hard. Not eating everything I craved was hard and getting in activity was hard - but dropping all your baby weight in 10 days was awesome. Losing 4 more lbs since baby has been awesome.  I don't normally toot my own horn, but TOOT TOOT!! It was hard work though. It took time and practice and accountability from my friends and family. I found people who who wouldn't let me give them excuses. 

I don't like constantly comparing myself to others or putting people down. It doesn't solve anything or make people feel good, but know if you aren't struggling or not feeling challenged you aren't changing. If you want change, it takes time and you need to invest in yourself. Don't be that person who has been going to the gym for ages but has nothing to show for it. That was me and for far too long. That person isn't trying. That person isn't putting in the time and that person will get frustrated and give up only to start back up. It is hard but staying the same and being unhappy is hard too.

YOU can do it. It doesn't have to be expensive or pretty but it does need to be done. Be healthy and happy. Why not you to be happy, healthy, and excited about the next challenge? Why not you too?!