Pity Party

Today I was a big baby. I have written about this before but, I am not sure if I have become more aware about how much I really weigh and how big I really am. Being a size 16 is no joke people. I mean I started at an 18/20 in August, so I know I am making progress - it just seems like I will get dressed in the morning and then I leave and I feel good about myself. Later, I will look at pictures from a day when I thought I looked good and I think - WTF? Who let me look like that and why didn't anyone tell me you are putting on weight. Obviously these questions are both rhetorical, but still in my mind I am upset about how I really look. I hate how acutely aware I have become about how I look and what I weigh. But I need it. I cant hate something that isn't there, and I need this not to be there. I need to not wonder if my husband is checking out other women cause they are skinnier than me (Ladies, you know you have wondered the same thing here and there) or if the people in the gym are looking at me because when I run I jiggle more or because when I dance I have extra bounce in my body. I mean I specifically go to my 24 hour gym at night so people don't watch me run, silly right? I know I shouldn't compare but you would be lying if you said you never compared yourself to someone else physically. How I physically look and not just how I feel.

So today I took my daughters to a movie and ate crap. I told myself I would push myself in my workouts today to compensate. I did my Turbo Jam and then headed to a class at the gym, Dance Party. While I was at dance party it was hard not to notice I was the fattest girl in that class. Pity Party - party of one.. right here! I really didn't push it because I was so focused on what was around me and not focused on ME.

I didn't sign up for this challenge because I am already skinny and fit and runner ready - I did it because I need help. I need accountability. I need to shred these pounds to be a better mom for my kids. I need to shred these pounds and get fit to have a better marriage with my husband. I want to be confident and enjoy what I do and never have weight and unhealthy reasons to be self conscious or worry that I cant participate in things with the people I love. I wanted to join this group challenge to learn and establish healthy habits that I can continue after the next 28 days are over.

So now that I have allowed myself to be down about how I look, I have decided to never do this again! I have spent the last how many days being down. I need to just look at the skinny fit girl thats inside me and know that I am working hard to bring her out! At least I can rest in the fact that I still did the workouts, finished the day with healthy eating and didnt give up all together!

Here's to tomorrow! I think maybe I needed a slap in the face like today. I know I will accomplish more tomorrow because my attitude will be better!

-Kayla-

Today I weigh 207 lbs
I wear a tight 14/ loose 16 pant
I am only 5 feet 1.5 inches tall (I say 2 to make me happy)
My BMI is a 38 - for a healthy BMI it should be between 18 and 24 (between 100 and 130 lbs)

Bust 42'' - Waist 46.5" - Hips 52" - Thigh 29" - Arm 14"

I am doing a CheLEAN Extreme/ Turbo Jam Hybrid as my challenge
I am consuming Shakeology a minimum of one time a day

Today's Workout:
Dance Party at my local gym (50 minutes)
1.5 mile walk/run (26 minutes - my cool down)
ChaLEAN Burn Circuit 1 (36 minutes)
Turbo Jam 20 minute workout  (... 20 minutes)
Total time - 2 hrs 12 minutes

Today I tried the Chocolate Shakeology just plain - with water and ice in the blender and it was really Good! They send you a calendar of a different recipe for every day and I am not sure I will even use them! There was no funny after taste or anything. I was pleasantly surprised!




After working out at the gym, I was afraid that I wouldnt be able to complete my Challenge workout that I had committed to, but I did. I had John in my ear helping me with my form and pushing me to pick a heavier weight. By the time I was done I was dripping with sweat, from everywhere. My daughter said, mom you're wet! It felt good. I feel good. I am so pumped for the rest of the challenge.

John did the first step to p90x today. He really surprised me with how far he pushed himself. I was not as good as a cheerleader as he was for me. :[ I need to get better at that. It wasnt that I didnt want to, I didnt know what to say. He was in much better shape that he and I both thought and really rocked it! Yay, Honey!

Hope you all enjoyed the pictures from yesterday! Look forward to updating them weekly (not all of them) so you can join me on my journey. You can also join me on my food journey. I am on www.myfitnesspal.com and my screen name is DearGym. I will be logging what I eat daily. You can do it too!

-Kayla-

John and My Fit Test... yikes!

Push Ups Knees - 6

SO - as I promised (but a few minutes later than midnight so TECHNICALLY Monday) I am posting pictures of my fit test before I start ChaLEAN Extreme! It was not as bad as I thought, but the results were not as good as I had hoped. They really stress to only count what you can do while maintaining and striving for perfect form. So be kind and enjoy the beginning of my official 30 day Challenge journey.

Push Ups Toes - 0

Crunches - 61

4 count up and 4 count down Squats

23

Forearm Plank - 28 secs

Bicep Curl

15 lb weights - 12 reps

Flexibility Test

Ruler Lined Up With My Heels

Right at the end of my ruler. Fingers went passed just a little bit!

Overhead Shoulder Press - 10 lb Weights - 13 Reps

Bust 42 Inches

Waist 46.5 Inches

Hips 52 Inches

Thigh 29 Inches

Arm 14 Inches

John's Journey - My husband has been very supportive of me and agreed to do this with me. So I have decided to update him here and there. You guys can see us both do this together. It is so important to have people who uplift you and support you and motivate you. So I am thankful to have someone in my own house to really give me the truth how it is. (He started this already while doing the fit test, and he was right. I wasnt pushing myself hard enough!)

Crunches 60

4 count up and 4 count down squats 30

Side Profile

Forearm Plank - 50 secs (He didnt have three babies!)

Overhead Shoulder Press - 25 lb weights/ 10 Reps

Shoulder Press

Bicep Curl 30 Lb Weights/ 10 Reps

Push Ups (John says he doesnt so knees) Toes 26

Flexibility Test

Three Inches from his toes (I beat him at something)

( Look at that piece of sexy! :] )

I hope you noticed my sarcastic remarks about John. Really, I love the man to death but it really gets me going that men in general can say "diet" and lose ten pounds. :) I am excited to have my best friend with me on this road to healthy living. I am inspired by all the people around me, that I see regularly, who are encouraging to me! I am so excited for the opportunity I have in front of me and while I am still a bit nervous, I am eager to start tomorrow morning and get my workout and shakeology on!